Being an athlete

My timing chip! At the climbers' staging area With our friend Darren, who climbed as well. He's an F15 pilot and a runner. He's so tall that I had to stand on tiptoes! With my husband Mike, who was waiting for me at the top ♥

Last year, when I first scaled the Stratosphere, climbing 1,455 stairs spanning 108 floors, I had no idea what to expect.  I was so nervous!  I was excited about supporting the American Lung Association, and I'd been "training" for this type of event for years.  But, when I showed up at registration and saw all the amazingly fit people wandering around, I was intimidated.  I suddenly felt like a fraud, like I didn't belong.  The same feeling hit me this year. It's a recurring theme.  I describe myself as an "oddball" adventurer mostly because I don't fit the vision I have of an athlete or adventure racer. I am not in perfect shape. I am not a runner. I do not train at the gym or with a personal trainer. I hated P.E. and did not play sports in high school. Bottom line: I don't look like an athlete.  Even after losing more than 100 pounds, I am still round and look soft despite all the muscle mass I have. So, all the super fit peeps chatting about their strategies and times kinda bummed me out.  To make things worse, this year, I finished two minutes slower.  It took me 19 minutes to climb, instead of 17.  That was tough for me.  Since I started competing last year, I've said that I do these things to challenge myself, not to set a time.  In every race I've entered, I've placed in the middle of the pack, and I've been okay with it.  But, it was disappointing not to match my own record. The question is: does being a little slower invalidate the whole endeavor?  It felt like that, but I know that's not true.  Being a little slower doesn't make me less fit or less of an athlete.  It means I was a little slower for one event.  It happens for a variety of reasons, and it's not the end of the world. Why is it easier to write those words than believe them?  I think it's because of all the things I wasn't as a kid and am not now... all the things I listed above.  I am battling against an outdated image of myself then and an idealized image now. The thing is, it's not about looking like an athlete.  It's about being an athlete. -noun a person trained or gifted in exercises or contests involving physical agility, stamina or strength; a participant in a sport, exercise, or game requiring physical skill. I am an athlete.